Using Blogger

I'm just using this site to type up the rough drafts for my real blog. Blogger is so much easier to use than the Movable Type I have. Especially on a Mac.

Sometimes fans can be too sensitive when their favorite team is not included in a national story. Even if it's one that would put their life at risk. A report came out earlier this week that seven NFL stadiums were targetted by terrorists for this weekend. The cities that would have fallen prey to a small nuclear bomb included New York, Miami, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland.

Instead of being relieved that terrorists would not be in attendance at Paul Brown Stadium, Wes Steinum from Deer Park was offended. "Why not us? Don't we deserve to be wiped off the face of the earth like the folks in those other places?" Wes scrunched up his face, sighed, and continued. "Are we not attractive enough in the eyes of Al Quaeda or any of the other enemies our country has accumulated lately? Isn't Cincinnati sexy enough to be worhty of their attention?"

The dirty bomb scenario has since been revealed to be false, a poorly concieved one at that. The fact that this was a mde-up story makes it even worse in Wes's eyes. "Obviously, this fella wanted to make a splash so he picked cities that would get attention. I guess the Queen City ain't big enough to push a terrorist threat onto CNN or the USA Today."

Probably the second most frustrating part of this whole terror threat is one of the cities that was on the list: "Cleveland?! Come on! What self-respecting suicide bomber would be caught dead in the Mistake By The Lake?"

"Eye On The Ball, Ryan"

Nike's "Brisco High" commercials are pretty much a young football player's wet dream. The young man, "Ryan", lives the ideal life. Neon Deon Sanders is his dad, the kid's got a smokin' hot step-mom, he's the apple of Jillian Barberie's eye, and Lee Corso is the school mascot. And depsite the fact that his teammates are mostly NFL Pro Bowlers like LaDanian Tomlinson, Brian Urlacher, and Michael Vick, it comes down to this one boy to win a high school football game in the closing seconds. Pretty stupid if you actually thin about it. But it's a catchy commercial and "Spirit In The Sky" adds a surreal touch to it.

But there's one thing that kind of sticks out to me: what role does Steve Young play? He's not one of the coaches like Don Shula (Shula?!? Does anyone under 18 even know who he is?), or seen in the classroom like teaching like Jimmy Johnson. But it's clear that there's a connection between Young and this "Ryan." He's more than just a fan. What other roles are left? Then I figured it out: Steve Young is the dirty booster that brought Ryan to Briscoe High. Yeah, he promised the kid bribes to be on this football team. It's the only role left not fulfilled by the other celebrities.

I imagine that Steve's the one that scouted young Ryan and fawned over the lad, tossing money and other bribes to get Ryan to come to Briscoe. He's sitting in the kitchen with Deon and Jill Arrington, pushing a Property of Briscoe High duffel bag full of cash across the table. And now that Young has gone to such lengths to secure Ryan's WR skills, he wants results. And dammit, Ryan better deliver with a game-winning touchdown that means eternal glory for Steve Young's alma mata, Briscoe High School. It's a good thing he did or the crafy lefty would have foreclosed on Neon Deon's house and had his goons rough him up a bit, too.

No one else sees that scenario? Just me?

"I want a Quicktime of my minty-fresh entrance on my webpage by tomorrow!"

Bengals Fan Directs Captain Kirk and Caped Crusaders

While Steeler fans are busy Rochambeauing each other for the camcorder, Bengal fans are making more artistic endeavors. Take filmmaker Christopher Allen, for example. He just made a movie that combines two classic TV hits from the 60s as we see Star Trek vs. Batman. Looking at Allen's bio, it doesn't look like he's spent any time living in the Queen City, but in the Behind the Scenes photos he's sporting Begnals gear as well as a Reds cap. You gotta love a guy wearing the orange and black while he's bossing around Batman and telling Spock what's the logical thing to be doing. Live Long and Who Dey, Christopher.

Sock Drawer's NFL Predictions

You probably remember my 2005 NFL predictions weren't so great. Let's make some equally bad ones for 2006.

NFC North
The Chicago Bears, according to their record, were the second-best team in the NFC last year. But anytime they played any quality team, they were beaten. HARD. Complete and total domination. If they were a fraction of the ball club their rep was, the Bears would have been dangerous. I'm pretty much seeing the same thing this year as they will probably get the #2 seed in the playoffs, complete with a bye week to prepare for their divisional round butt-whooping.
NFC South
Carolina Panthers
This is probably the second best team in the conference but I think their tough schedule will prevent them from nabbing the all-important bye week. Knowing how injuries accumulate on this team, that will keep them from getting far in the post-season.
NFC East
Philadelphia Eagles
I have considered every single team in this division as the Beast of the East at some point this summer. But there's no way I'm expecting the Giants to survive their brutal schedule, the Cowboys to survive T.O., and the Redskins to survive their awful offense. With McNabb healthy, they just might be able to make it to the post-season. And then get bounced.
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks
Other than weird trends like the post-Super Bowl slump or the Madden Curse, there's nothing to make me think the Goat's boys will not repeat as NFC Champs.
Wild Cards
Tampa Bay Bucs
Minnesota Vikings
This might be another year with an 8-8 team makes it to the post-season because I'm just not that impressed with most of the guys on this side of the league. The Vikings almost made it last year, ditched a number of questionable folks (including their coach) so they might have enough to scrap out enough wins to nab the final playoff slot. I keep hearing great things about the Bucs, and particularly Chris Simms, so I see them getting a good number of wins. And, oh year, they won the division last year and are pretty good.

Here's the Reader's Digest version:
NFC North
Chicago Bears
NFC South
Carolina Panthers
NFC East
Philadelphia Eagles
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks
Wild Cards
Tampa Bay Bucs
Minnesota Vikings

I'll try to get on the ball and get the AFC picks in before tomorrow night's NFL Kickoff between AFC potential powerhouses Miami and Pittsburgh.

Good Time Quotes Standings

First off, I just want to say good job to all of you this past week. All week you've been supplying quality feedback either in the form of your opinion or information you tracked down in regards to stuff I didn't know. Whether it was great feedback on my dressing up as pirates or supplying information on mysterious billboards or discussing what's wrong with my parenting philosohpies or explaining what you have to look out for with newfangled HDTVs or breaking down whether pirates are hotter than stormtroopers or sharing some D's Nuts jokes, lots of good stuff out of all of you this week. Outstanding job, everyone. It makes this blogging thing a whole lot more fun when you can look back at a bunch of fun comments, even when they're taking shots at me.

As a result, I added a point to everyone who made a comment last week that sounded off about one of those posts. Just my way of saying thank you, even when some of you were actually taking potshots at my mental well-being. Anyway, here's the point totals so far.

Quote Standings
Eric 47
Tom the Dog 21
The Goat 20
dupree 15
Logan 13
Amy 11
Doodyhead 9
Zman 8
Kerry 8
Greg Burgas 7
Jeff 6
Zandra 7
Nagel 4
Herb 3
MOe 3
Jeremy 3
Rinnert 3
Natalie 2
Joel 2
Bill D 1
Kyle 1
Dale 1
Mona 1
Nik 1

And here's the standard explanation of the contest for those who just got here and have no idea what is going on: At the end of every blog entry, I leave you with a quote. Be the first one to make a comment stating where the quote from and you get a point. Anyone can guess. Even if new entries are put up, all previous unclaimed quotes from 2006 are still fair game. Whoever has the most points at the end of the year is the winner.

I'm gonna put a link on your name, unless you tell me otherwise. For those of you who are not linked right now, I don't know where to send people. Let me know if there's a link location to point to.

"Gentlemen, your work today has been outstanding and I intend to recommend you all for promotion... in whatever fleet we end up serving."

Strangers With Colbert

I kinda wish all of the interviews on the Colbert Report would end up like this one? Can you imagine him tumbling with politicians? Good times.

"Now get out of here! I have to go back to reading everyone's emails... over the P.A. system."

What's Hotter: Pirates or Stormtroopers?

Dragon*Con 2005


Originally uploaded by ckirkman.

This was brought up in an important discussion earlier in the week by Kerry that maybe folks dressing up as pirates are hotter than stormtroopers. Today, we examine that pressing question. Because, let's face it: we, as a nation, have not done enough to face this issue head on. So, I did some grueling research and found out the awful truth: there's some good-looking stormtroopers in the Emporer's employ. I know, it's tough work scouring the internet for women but it's something I'm willing to do for the Sock Drawer audience. Anyway, here's what I found.

See what I mean? There's a pretty good looking trooper to the right there. Sure, the bare midriff kinda defeats the purpose of "battle armor" but I appreciate the modification. And she's not the only alone. That one on the left, with the helmet on.. I can assume that the woman under there is attractive, as well. That's a safe assumption, right?

There's also Darth Vader's personal stormwenches. You'll have to click on the link to see them because I just have way too many pictures on this post, as is. Anyway, back to Darth. He's a Dark Lord of the Sith and can hang with whomever he wants. You see he chose wisely. Dark Anakin hangs with stormtrooper babes and so should you. Way better looking than those stinky, unhygenic pirates. I mean, look at their toothless scurvy-covered selves down there. You want any part of them? No, didn't think so. I mean, I thought you were sick, but not that sick.
Okay, these may not be the most accurate samples I can think of but I did want to point out there is a goodlooking clone or two working for the empire. And they may try to make Johnny Depp as pretty as possible, but it just didn't work on me. How can this style of dress possibly appeal to a red-blooded American man like me?Oh. Okay. Fine. I might be able to see a merit or two in the whole dressing up like a pirate thing. So maybe Kerry's right and pirates are sexier. Or have I shown you that stormtroopers can be hot mamas, too?

"Tonight I'm downloading porn at 14 kilabytes per second. Heh, I'm just kidding. I got a cable modem back here."