"Eye On The Ball, Ryan"

Nike's "Brisco High" commercials are pretty much a young football player's wet dream. The young man, "Ryan", lives the ideal life. Neon Deon Sanders is his dad, the kid's got a smokin' hot step-mom, he's the apple of Jillian Barberie's eye, and Lee Corso is the school mascot. And depsite the fact that his teammates are mostly NFL Pro Bowlers like LaDanian Tomlinson, Brian Urlacher, and Michael Vick, it comes down to this one boy to win a high school football game in the closing seconds. Pretty stupid if you actually thin about it. But it's a catchy commercial and "Spirit In The Sky" adds a surreal touch to it.

But there's one thing that kind of sticks out to me: what role does Steve Young play? He's not one of the coaches like Don Shula (Shula?!? Does anyone under 18 even know who he is?), or seen in the classroom like teaching like Jimmy Johnson. But it's clear that there's a connection between Young and this "Ryan." He's more than just a fan. What other roles are left? Then I figured it out: Steve Young is the dirty booster that brought Ryan to Briscoe High. Yeah, he promised the kid bribes to be on this football team. It's the only role left not fulfilled by the other celebrities.

I imagine that Steve's the one that scouted young Ryan and fawned over the lad, tossing money and other bribes to get Ryan to come to Briscoe. He's sitting in the kitchen with Deon and Jill Arrington, pushing a Property of Briscoe High duffel bag full of cash across the table. And now that Young has gone to such lengths to secure Ryan's WR skills, he wants results. And dammit, Ryan better deliver with a game-winning touchdown that means eternal glory for Steve Young's alma mata, Briscoe High School. It's a good thing he did or the crafy lefty would have foreclosed on Neon Deon's house and had his goons rough him up a bit, too.

No one else sees that scenario? Just me?

"I want a Quicktime of my minty-fresh entrance on my webpage by tomorrow!"